I arrived in a new place that is very different from my old home. It’s been a week and my body still thinks it’s on east coast time. I wake up every day at 4am, like my heart doesn’t want me to forget what I left behind just yet. I feel like I should be acclimated already. I’m impatient. I’m annoyed. And mainly with myself. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself. All of this tells me that I haven’t fully arrived yet. I did all of the things that said “I’ve have arrived”, but part of me is still somewhere else. It’s not here. It’s not now. This week, I’m consciously recognizing the ways in which I don’t arrive fully. Then I’ll use these tools to show up more fully when I notice I’m doing everything in my power to run away.
Have you ever felt like you wanted to start over? Have you ever felt like if you could just wipe the slate clean but take all of the knowledge and lessons from your past with you, that this time would be better? I have. And I asked for a re-do.
I look back on all of the times that I have held myself back because I didn't think I was worth fighting for; I look back on all the times I didn't take the risk or say how I feel or use the voice that I was gifted. I hope that I am the last generation of young women who were trained from a very young age to be smaller, to speak softer, to hide under the pretense of civility, to sacrifice everything for another person, to acquiesce because it is the easier, though probably more damaging, path. Don’t let other’s fear of your personal power deter you from standing in your truth. Know your worth. Tell yourself your truth. Speak up, speak out, and let go.