As I’ve been journeying through this brave new life in Los Angeles, I’ve gained plenty of time to reflect on the circus that has been 2018. Not one single part of it has been easy or effortless. All of it has been entangled with hard choices and even harder feelings to manage. I’m human and I’ve made a ton of mistakes. There is still so much I have to learn in the ways of empathy, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, what it really means to love another human. By far, the biggest discovery I’ve made is confusing that I’ve been confusing ruminating with reflection. Both of these elements are looking back at the past. Our reflections can easily get hijacked and turned into rumination. How can we then steer ourselves back towards balance and growth?
I’m grateful that I have an extra time to reflect on this whirlwind trip back to the city. It is way sooner than I anticipated. My leaving felt like getting into a huge fight with a significant other and promptly breaking up. It felt like a messy and emotional door-slamming drama, something that is remarkably challenging to come back from. I felt utterly torn apart and beaten down and almost irreparably broken. Coming back before I thought I was ready brought into sharp focus all of the ways in which I am truly thriving in my new LA life that I have built from the ground up with hard work, consistency, trust in myself, and some magic from the universe. A month later, this is what I have learned from relocating with no expectations, just some desires and emotions and baggage (of the literal kind).
I firmly believe though that right thing for you will always happen at the precise moment when you make space for it. No space means no space to fill. I came out to the West Coast with nothing but space and time. It was that freedom that allowed me to rebuild a life that is sustainable and thrive-able. That doesn’t mean there are not challenges and fluctuations and friction. These qualities are inherent in growth. It does mean, however, that generally I cry less from frustration and more from joy. Give yourself space to be with yourself. You will thank you.