I’m grateful that I have an extra time to reflect on this whirlwind trip back to the city. It is way sooner than I anticipated. My leaving felt like getting into a huge fight with a significant other and promptly breaking up. It felt like a messy and emotional door-slamming drama, something that is remarkably challenging to come back from. I felt utterly torn apart and beaten down and almost irreparably broken. Coming back before I thought I was ready brought into sharp focus all of the ways in which I am truly thriving in my new LA life that I have built from the ground up with hard work, consistency, trust in myself, and some magic from the universe. A month later, this is what I have learned from relocating with no expectations, just some desires and emotions and baggage (of the literal kind).
I firmly believe though that right thing for you will always happen at the precise moment when you make space for it. No space means no space to fill. I came out to the West Coast with nothing but space and time. It was that freedom that allowed me to rebuild a life that is sustainable and thrive-able. That doesn’t mean there are not challenges and fluctuations and friction. These qualities are inherent in growth. It does mean, however, that generally I cry less from frustration and more from joy. Give yourself space to be with yourself. You will thank you.
On one of my last days in the city, I was spending time with my teacher and mentor and friend. In his sage-like wisdom, he casually said of course you need this feeling you have now or else you would have nothing to compare the joy to. It is the same with the idea of wins and losses. We have to have both. We have to know both intimately. But what doesn’t work is being dragged down by the weight of the losses and the sorrow. I was in the space of letting myself be dragged down. I decided to leave the circumstances that were holding me down and build a path towards okay using these four strategies.