Posts tagged New York City
Rewriting the Narrative

It’s been nearly six months since I left New York. I’ve come back once again - this time, to rewrite the story between me and New York. One of the most power lessons I’ve learned this year is rewriting the narrative. This concept doesn’t mean lying to myself about the truth of what happened. It doesn’t mean pretending that trauma and hurt did not occur. It is, rather, the act of framing my part in my own story less as the victim and more as an active participant in my own narrative. Events happen to victims. Protagonists create the action. I am ready to be the protagonist. 
Are you ready to engage with the story of this last year and rewrite your narrative? If your 2018 was as deeply traumatic and painful as mine, this is your opportunity to turn all of the incredible hurt into lessons. 

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The Fallacy of "Belief in a Just World"

Though Monday and this whole week has been hard, I’m incredibly grateful for it. They say that relationships, of any sort, with other people allow us to hold a mirror up to ourselves so that we see who we truly are. The final mirror that was held up to me in this relationship was that I function in a fallacy called “belief in a just world”.  What is “belief in a just world? How do we dismantle it?

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Forgiveness. Can you imagine?

Forgiveness, as I learned it was not about freeing the heart of the wronged person; it is about punishing the offender by making them perform an action so as to make them worthy of forgiveness. Part of living inside of shame and guilt based systems, like antiquated systems of control, means this inability to truly forgive. From the psychological perspective, the mindset and the action of forgiveness has much more to do with the healing of the forgiver. Forgiveness is the thing we do to help us move on. It is the thing necessary to release the hurt and pain, the spite, the need for vengeance or to “balance the scales”. While this season is traditionally about giving thanks, expressing gratitude, offering charity, perhaps the action filled with the most kindness, the one we should focus on now more than ever, is the ability to forgive. 

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What I Wish I Would Have Known

Like with all things you do for the first time, there have been a ton of learning opportunities. Failing has been the best teacher in compassion and empathy. I am a perfectionist my nature. So, doing things wrong irks me at the deepest level. The learning curve has been steep. Almost everyday is filled with things I don’t know, lots of mistakes, some sort of failing. I have learned so much about myself and the ways in which I can grow as a person from the consistency of new experiences. And while that’s all well and good, there are a few things I didn’t anticipate. In the hopes of smoothing out the already complicated transition of moving to a new city, I give you all the things I wish I had known before I made the jump across the country

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Practice What You Preach

Releasing is tapping into the softer side of ourselves. Releasing comes from a place of making peace with circumstances, perceived limitations, who we are, who the other person is. Releasing is understanding that our attachments to our ideas of what we are are limiting what could be. In this flow can you let the thoughts and the feelings and the sensations wash over you without attaching your identity or worth or significance to any one thought/feeling/sensation in particular? Show up honestly- perhaps a little messy or tired or confused or wound tightly- and know that this practice will hold you.

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Lessons from East to West

I’m grateful that I have an extra time to reflect on this whirlwind trip back to the city. It is way sooner than I anticipated. My leaving felt like getting into a huge fight with a significant other and promptly breaking up. It felt like a messy and emotional door-slamming drama, something that is remarkably challenging to come back from. I felt utterly torn apart and beaten down and almost irreparably broken. Coming back before I thought I was ready brought into sharp focus all of the ways in which I am truly thriving in my new LA life that I have built from the ground up with hard work, consistency, trust in myself, and some magic from the universe. A month later, this is what I have learned from relocating with no expectations, just some desires and emotions and baggage (of the literal kind). 

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How To Advocate for Yourself

I look back on all of the times that I have held myself back because I didn't think I was worth fighting for; I look back on all the times I didn't take the risk or say how I feel or use the voice that I was gifted. I hope that I am the last generation of young women who were trained from a very young age to be smaller, to speak softer, to hide under the pretense of civility, to sacrifice everything for another person, to acquiesce because it is the easier, though probably more damaging, path. Don’t let other’s fear of your personal power deter you from standing in your truth. Know your worth. Tell yourself your truth. Speak up, speak out, and let go.

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Using Discomfort to Confront the Habitual

The last six months have been full of confrontation with myself: my goals, my dreams, my hopes, the imprint of goodness I want to leave on the world, the positions I’m putting myself in that compromise my ability to do that. I’ve known that New York would not be my forever home since December of 2016. Just so we are all on the same page, it is June 2018. So many things happened in that year and a half that made me feel like I should stay, like I had something keeping me here. Maybe I needed all of these things to happen. Maybe I needed everything to fall apart. I decided to move because I had absolutely nothing else to stay for, and that sense of being completely empty meant that I was also completely free. 

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