Posts tagged meditation
Rumination vs Reflection

As I’ve been journeying through this brave new life in Los Angeles, I’ve gained plenty of time to reflect on the circus that has been 2018. Not one single part of it has been easy or effortless.  All of it has been entangled with hard choices and even harder feelings to manage. I’m human and I’ve made a ton of mistakes. There is still so much I have to learn in the ways of empathy, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, what it really means to love another human. By far, the biggest discovery I’ve made is confusing that I’ve been confusing ruminating with reflection. Both of these elements are looking back at the past. Our reflections can easily get hijacked and turned into rumination. How can we then steer ourselves back towards balance and growth?

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I arrived in a new place that is very different from my old home. It’s been a week and my body still thinks it’s on east coast time. I wake up every day at 4am, like my heart doesn’t want me to forget what I left behind just yet. I feel like I should be acclimated already. I’m impatient. I’m annoyed. And mainly with myself. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself. All of this tells me that I haven’t fully arrived yet.  I did all of the things that said “I’ve have arrived”, but part of me is still somewhere else.  It’s not here. It’s not now. This week, I’m consciously recognizing the ways in which I don’t arrive fully. Then I’ll use these tools to show up more fully when I notice I’m doing everything in my power to run away. 

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